Final Conversations: Helping the Living and Dying Talk to Each Other
The Last Word: Talking with the Dying Graces the Living
02/28/2007
Death is a natural part of life; unfortunately our fears surrounding death are magnified because it occurs behind closed doors. Those doors are opened in a new book, “Final Conversations: Helping the Living and the Dying Talk to Each Other” (March 2007, VanderWyk & Burnham, www.VandB.com), revealing the private journey people take with a dying loved one.
“Final Conversations” is a must-read for baby boomers now facing the mortality of their parents and friends. In the course of our lives we will all face the death of a loved one—if we haven’t already. We can continue along the path of denial, avoidance, and fear when faced with death, or we can empower ourselves with proven communication tools from experts Maureen Keeley and Julie Yingling.
Keeley and Yingling—communication researchers with a combined 45 years of experience—talked with dozens of people about their final conversations with dying loved ones. The honesty, heart, and help that are revealed in their stories will make you laugh, cry, and most importantly, think. These people will come to feel like friends as they share in their own words the memories of their final conversations.
Ellen, one of the voices, speaks to every person who is sharing a loved one’s death journey: “There was a shift. You know, we weren't just getting out the crying towels waiting for him to die. It was—what could we do to be with him while we still had him? And that was a major shift. Nothing really changed. I mean the bottom line was that he was still going to die when he was going to die, but it was how I viewed the time and how my kids could view the time.”
For some, these stories will provide guidance into how they may one day talk with a dying loved one. For others, the stories will help make sense of a final conversation that has already happened.
Final Conversations chapters include:
• Real People: Setting the Stage for the Book
• I Love You: Goodbye
• Everyday Messages: Taking Care of Business
• Grace Happens: Spiritual Messages
• Beyond Words: The Power of Nonverbal Communication
• Heartache Released: Healing Damaged Relationships
• Growing Up: Maturing Through Final Conversations
• Going On: New Directions for the Living
• You Can Too: Communication Skills for Final Conversations
Death is coming home, as the dying choose to spend their final days with loved ones. With medical advances in the treatment of degenerative diseases and the diagnosis of terminal illnesses, there is often a gift of time before a final goodbye. Loved ones are stepping up and trying to figure out how to say the good goodbye—not only to give the dying a peaceful closure, but for their own sakes as well.
“Final Conversations” offers uplifting, insightful, and tangible guidance. As interviewee Victoria attests, “I think those final conversations . . . are the conversations that were the most important to me. And the ones that changed the way I live.” Final conversations don’t take away the pain that accompanies death, but participating in them helps people to prepare emotionally for the loss and to make the most of their lives.
Roxanne Parrott, Professor and Director of Center for Health and Risk Communication at Pennsylvania State University, highlights the importance and timeliness of “Final Conversations” in her review: “Readers emerge better prepared to engage in talking with the dying.” She further notes “an unexpected benefit awaits the readers of this book as well. It provides straightforward wisdom about talk among the living, reminding us and coaching us on how to accept and live life as a time-bound gift.”
“Final Conversations: Helping the Living and the Dying Talk to Each Other” offers a new way to accept death and embrace life.
Final Conversations is available at bookstores nationwide, online, and at www.VandB.com or call 800-789-7916.
Maureen P. Keeley, PhD is an associate professor at Texas State University and has taught interpersonal communication for twenty years. Her research and writing explore the power and role of communication in close relationships in the midst of health crises. She lives near Austin, TX.
Julie M. Yingling, PhD is a professor emerita at Humboldt State University. During her twenty-five year academic career, she taught extensively and specialized in communication development in children and communication across the lifespan. She lives near San Jose, CA.
To request a review copy of Final Conversations, to arrange interviews with the authors, or to have cover art sent electronically, please contact Kate Bandos at KSB Promotions: 800-304-3269 or 616-676-0758 • fax 616-676-0759 • kate@ksbpromotions.com
Final Conversations: Helping the Living and the Dying Talk to Each Other
by Maureen P. Keeley, PhD and Julie M. Yingling, PhD
Self-Help / Death & Dying • 256 pages • 6 x 9 • ISBN: 978-1-889242-30-9
$24.95 dustjacketed hardcover
Publication date: March 1, 2007
Published by VanderWyk & Burnham, www.VandB.com
Distributed by National Book Network, Inc. (NBN)
WISDOM FROM THE LIVING ABOUT FINAL CONVERSATIONS
Themes of conversations in Final Conversations: Helping the Living and the Dying Talk to Each Other include love, everyday talk, spirituality, and release of heartache. People report changes in self-identity, attitude, and new directions as they go on in life.
Each chapter of Final Conversations closes with advice from the living—for the living. The following examples have been adapted from various chapters:
• When you love so much that you think you can’t live through their death yourself, that’s when you really have to make yourself participate in final conversations. These last talks help the living make the transition to a life without their dying loved one. (Ch. 2)
• Be prepared to start with the little issues—small talk—before you get to the big or profound messages. (Ch. 3)
• The living need community at the end of a loved one’s life. Be there for one another. Be gentle with each other; listen and watch. You will tell each other what is needed. (Ch. 4)
• A touch, a look, a sound of recognition can be worth a thousand words. Don’t worry about what words to say. Open your heart; your feelings will show. (Ch. 5)
• Forgive. This decision is the most powerful one you can make in the face of hurt and pain. Forgive them so they may let go; forgive them so that you can move on. Set yourself up to look back with compassion and forward without regret. (Ch. 6)
• Children experiencing the death of a loved one need to be told directly that it’s not their fault. Discussions of death and its inevitability may be simple and direct. Invite questions about illness, and reassure them about the health of the other members of their family. Get professional counseling if possible. (Ch. 7)
• Allow yourself to be touched by the dying. You’re fortunate to be in the presence of someone who doesn’t have to be careful about what they say. The dying can offer truths about you, your potential, and your life. Listen. Take it in. Decide what you want to do with it. (Ch. 7)
• Break the rules! Defy ordinary conventions or habitual norms, and say what you need to say. Dying is not an ordinary, everyday experience for you or your loved one. Find your feelings, and then find your voice. (Ch. 8)
• Find life’s joy. It is unlimited; your life is not. (Ch. 8)
Bulleted items above adapted from Final Conversations: Helping the Living and the Dying Talk to Each Other copyright © 2007 by Maureen P. Keeley, PhD and Julie M. Yingling, PhD, published by VanderWyk & Burnham. Permission to reproduce the above items as written is granted with the condition that this paragraph of attribution is included with the listing.
Final Conversations is available at bookstores nationwide, online, and at www.VandB.com or call 800-789-7916.
To request a review copy of Final Conversations, to arrange interviews with the authors, or to have cover art sent electronically, please contact Kate Bandos at KSB Promotions: 800-304-3269 or 616-676-0758 • fax 616-676-0759 • kate@ksbpromotions.com
Final Conversations: Helping the Living and the Dying Talk to Each Other
by Maureen P. Keeley, PhD and Julie M. Yingling, PhD
Self-Help / Death & Dying • 256 pages • 6 x 9 • ISBN: 978-1-889242-30-9
$24.95 dustjacketed hardcover
Publication date: March 1, 2007
Published by VanderWyk & Burnham, www.VandB.com
Distributed by National Book Network, Inc. (NBN)
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